Our family’s Valentine’s Day practice is probably not considered conventional.

We set s a blazing fire in the fireplace, light the Christmas tree (because let’s get real here, it’s most likely still up), order a whack-load of burgers and fries, and then eat them in a gigantic VALENFORT that takes up our entire living room. We then watch movies and eat popcorn and cookies, and when the kids go to bed, Cap and I will usually immerse ourselves in a horror or sci-fi line up.

I’ve also been making these cheesy/fun ‘horrortines’ for Cap for the last few years and it’s become one of our THINGS. Not like, John Carpenter’s The Thing, just a couple’s ‘thing’ – although now this is giving me ideas for next year’s crop of silliness.

I am most definitely not alone in this, I know. There are a zillion hilarious horror/romance memes and Valentines out there:

Hellraiser Valentines by NOFS

Above is just a glimpse of the AWESOME Nightmare On Film Street Podcast Valentine’s Day collection. (Note: I highly recommend visiting them and downloading/streaming some podcasts as romantic audio background for when you are cooking together in the kitchen.)

 

But there’s something about getting lost in terrible puns and finding ridiculous screen caps of your favourite flicks that makes crafting these babies so much fun – and the resulting laughter always brings Cap and I closer together. So, let the cringing commence. You know you love it.

But first:

Honey, I dedicate this ridiculousness to you.

Sometimes I wish I could have met you when you were a kid. I imagine watching so many of these movies with you on a musty hide-a-bed in some basement; cans of pop by our sides, eating Hickory Sticks and deep dish pizza – peeking through the loose knit of a macrame blanket at the TV screen when things got too scary.

You are my best friend, my favourite weirdo, my loving screen junkie, and you so get me.

You get the insatiable need I have to bury my nose into every single old comic and book and inhale deeply, because that slight tinge of mildew on paper fibre is heaven. You understand my obsession with creators and story tellers; my bizarre esoteric ponderings about reality and fiction. You support my need to create and add to this world’s legacy of genres – whether it’s being real and raw and advocating for health, exploring my own darkness and fears through the expression of a horror piece; or wrenching my soul and watching drama pour out. You encourage me. You push me. You laugh with me and at me, and I am so damn lucky.

We might not have had the chance to meet when we were kids, but we have the chance to be kids together for the rest of our lives. And that is so awesome.

So before we eat our burgers in the annual VALENFORT, here you go.

  1. Victor Crowley is a passionate guy. (And yay! The DVD is out now!)
    Victor Crowley 'My Heart Burns For You' Valentine
  2. This brought out some of the best screams from me, and may have partially deafened Cap. (Even more than Evil Dead.)
    Michael Myers Valentine
  3. If you can’t say it with an amorphous thing, then is it even love?
    The Blob Valentines Card
  4. Love is agreeing to disagree that the Creeper is awesome. I personally just think if he ate more regularly he’d have less binges and mood swings, but whatever.
  5. Oh Freddy, the ultimate and absolutely terrifying dreamboat. On this we agree.
  6. I have a weird ‘detective crush’ on Tom Atkins. Topped only by Basil Rathbone’s Sherlock Holmes, and Perry Mason. Cap seems to be fine with this.
    Night of the Creeps Valentine
  7. The best date nights involve Child’s Play binges and Junior Mints, and stalking the Dourif family on IMDB.
    Child's Play Valentine
  8. When I’m stressed out and upset, Cap simply puts on Friday the 13th VII, and I’m asleep before Susan Blu can say “TINNNNNAAAAAAA!” He’s the best.
    Jason Voorhees Valentine
  9. This one has been done to death, but Cap has a healthy respect for Tony Todd, and ever year I do another version of it (along with everyone else.)
    Candy Man Valentine Card
  10. The Monster Squad tree house is my dream home, and Tom Noonan makes me bawl every single time I watch this movie. Cap always just reaches out and holds my hand extra tight. Swoon.
    Monster Squad Valentine
  11. Oh Hatchet – yes, one more for Victor Crowley, because when Cap and I talk about making movies, we’re not thinking dirty thoughts. We’re usually thinking indie horror. And this series my friends, has all the heart in the world.
    HATCHET Victor Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all, no matter what you’re in to.

Love you, Cap. See you in the fort.


These images were made for personal and editorial (fun) purposes only. No disrespect was meant by using screen caps of films. All copyright of the original images, characters, etc. rests with the artists and production studios. But, Happy Valentine’s to you too, lawyer people, producers, directors, cast and crew! XO Kat